The Art Of Letting Go
Letting go isn't always easy. Sometimes we tend to hold onto things that hurt us or that are doing us a disservice even though we know they are toxic. Whether they are negative thoughts, bad behaviors, or people who mistreat us - finding the strength to let them go can be difficult because old habits are hard to break. Maybe it isn't even any of those things we need to let go of. Trying to break free from old versions of ourselves that hold us back is hard too.
As I get older I notice that I also get wiser. With life experience and lessons learned from bad decisions, I have progressed into a much better person. However, there are bits and pieces of myself that linger that I wish were no longer a part of me. The parts that make me question myself and make me feel bad about who I am have a huge negative impact on my self-esteem and confidence. Having chronic migraine, depression, and anxiety make letting go of those parts of me hard.
Migraine has sucked so much of my life away. I lose time constantly. From not being able to remember what happened last week to not being able to participate fully in life has eaten away at me bit by bit. Much of the time I feel like I am lost in a sea of confusion and loneliness. Having chronic depression and anxiety strips away my confidence little by little. I try not to let the negative thoughts persuade me that I am no good but sometimes they are hard to ignore.
My life is challenging. I am always fighting against something that I didn't ask for. Migraine has been trying to disrupt my life since childhood. Over the years it has gotten more aggressive and determined to keep me down. When an attack hits usually a depression and/or anxiety flare up follows. While I am being attacked physically, mental illness does its best to take me down through mind control, forcing me to believe every bad thought it can conjure up.
In all honesty, I am barely happy. I try to keep myself busy with writing and advocacy work to fill my mind and time up with other things. They are distractions from the truth of my existence. I get by with the help of my migraine prevention medications and antidepressants. Without them I would be a complete and utter mess. A life of chronic pain and mental illness is HARD. Add being a wife and mother to the mix and you get a big old jumbled mess of crazy.
Yet still, I hold it together. Mostly for my kids and husband's sake. If I fall apart so do they. So I must learn to let go of the things that I can and cannot control. Yes, there are things in my life that I can alter to better serve me if I take the time to do it. Do I always want to? No, but I can if I choose to.
The most helpful tool in learning to let go is meditation. It really has a way of clearing your mind of negativity and useless information. We spend so much time fixating on things we can't fix or thoughts that hinder us. That time could be spent doing something much more positive, clarifying, and detoxifying. Purging our minds and bodies of unnecessary clutter opens us up to receiving positive information, thoughts, and experiences.
I know that meditation works for me but I don't always do a good job of incorporating it into my life. I have the tools right at my fingertips (I literally have meditation apps on my iPhone) so I have no excuse not to use them. I usually wait until things get pretty unbearable to meditate, which helps in the moment, but it would better serve me to do it every day. All it takes is 15-30 minutes to cleanse my mind, body and spirit. I owe it to myself to at least do that much. I will make a promise to myself to make meditation a priority.
Writing and journaling also helps me let go of anything weighing heavily on my mind. Putting my feelings into a blog post or getting out all of the negative thoughts and experiences into a journal really puts things into perspective. Purging all of which is making me feel less than I should lifts me into a more positive and lighter place. I find myself being stuck in my head too much and that can dissuade me from doing anything cathartic.
Those self-deprecating thoughts get the best of me and halt me from doing anything that would help me feel better. I have got to get better at using my platform as a writer to help myself move out of dark waters. Not only will it help myself but it has the potential to help others.
My faith is another way in which I can let go of things that I cannot control. Prayer makes me feel like I have a way of tapping out and giving all control to a higher power. Putting my faith in God really helps me get through rough times, and there have been many that without my faith I wouldn't have survived through. I know that this isn't an option for everyone, but letting go and giving it to God helps me with the more substantial things in life.
Lastly, therapy and talking out my issues help me let go of bad behaviors and to change how I think and feel about myself. I am allowed to be raw and open without judgment which makes hearing constructive criticism and suggestions easier to digest and put to use. I have a really great therapist. She gets booked up quickly so I don't get to see her as often as I would like but when I do get an appointment it is always helpful. She reinforces the positive things in my life and helps me dismantle the negativity brewing in my head.
Letting go is an intricate dance. It takes a combination of steps to move through the process correctly. Finding which combination of tools that work for you is key. Sticking to the routine is the challenging part, but with practice and perseverance you can definitely do it.
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
